Lately, I have taught myself to crochet. Some of my peers may feel as though it's "granny like". If you know me...You know I can careless about anyone's opinion of me (most of the time). I love it. I have made monkeys, baby blankets, hats, scarfs, and socks. If you know of anyone that would like something made from yarn, let me know.

My Grandma

I have never been so afraid (that I can think of) in my life. Growing up, my family structure was the following: My maternal grandmother and grandfather, my moma, my aunt (who is two years younger) and my sisters and brothers (I am the oldest). We were taught about God but we never belonged to a church. I believe now that it may have been because it was so many of us. I learned to pray. I prayed for so many things. When I was younger, I prayed to be pretty. I pray for an escape. I just talked to the Lord all the time.
My upbringing was to negative. The things that were done in the house, I promised NEVER to do to my children. We went days and sometimes months without a phone. Days without lights. And struggled making food stretch to the end of the month. My grandma IS and always have been the rock. She was no angel, she was tough as nails. But she made a way for us to survive. If it wasn't for grandma, I don't think...well, I cannot say I she contributes to the entire success that I have accomplished in my life but I can say that she enstilled a strong will in me. She taought me, if a person won't do it for you, you have to get it yourself.
My grandfather was passive. He was also an alcoholic. Serious alcoholic. My granddad was disable I think he dranked to suffice alot of stress that were going on in his past. So my grandma was the head of the household.

Today, I got news that my grandma has a growth on her lung. For years, she didn't want to go to the doctor because she was afraid she was going to get diagnosed with cancer. I am faced with a horrifying truth. It maybe/LORD KNOWS I hope not. I am one of those types that feels you didn't pick your family but they are still your family. I love my grandma with all my heart and soul. I cannot bear to think about losing her. Not to cancer. I am claiming, in the name of Jesus, that this is something that can be easily treated.

My Random thoughts

I have made some of the craziest decisions in my life. Sometimes, I still think about some of the things that I done...LOL.

Today, it snowed and we were at the house. ALL DAY. SO, I am working on a baby blanket for a boy. I really need to workout but I am too cold. The heater is on in the house but I cannot get warm. These walls are driving me nuts.

Tomorrow, I will have something better to post. LOL This is just random.

Day 10

Update on Grandma....

She is doing well. She doesn't have her finances in order in case of her passing and I am afraid when she passes, the family with split terribly. I am glad I have the backbone that I have but I am concerned for the younger generation.

I can't worry about that...Life...it is what it is.

This fasting thing is serving its purpose. I am dumping regularly :-) so that means I am not frowning as much. LOL.

Blue Monday

Today, I got some news that I do not know if I am ready to handle if it turns for the worse. I prayed and I hope that everything is alright. My grandma is my rock. For as long as I can remember, she has been there for me. I am the oldest of nine. My grandma has been like my mother because she assisted my mother in raising us. Growing up, she was really hard on me. Although, I believe things could have been better, I turned out okay. My mom called and said that they had to rush her to the ER because her blood pressure was almost at stroke level.

Side note: The closest person to die in my family was my sister, Latosha Shenae. When she died, I was 15 years old and she was 10. After my sister passed, my family went into a self-destruct mode so the reason for the actions are placed on her death (family circus). The next person to leave this earth was my grand dad. He was my only father figure until my dad and I built our relationship back. He died March 2005.

If I lose my grandma, I am going to need serious prayer. I will think positive.

~Life....it is what it is.

Day Two of My 21 Days of Fasting

Well, I am on day two of 21 days of fasting. I almost slipped up. I wanted some junk food but I have accomplished what I have been trying to. I am having trouble going to the bathroom to do "number two" but its working!! I don't know if I was supposed to say that but...it's out.

21 days of fasting

Today, I had a intense workout. I decided I am going to fast for 21 days. I am cutting out alcohol, all meat, sweets, and junk food. I will weigh myself at 10pm once every Sunday. Today I weigh 138lb. I am going to work out five days a week with two rest days and everyday ab work. I CAN DO IT!